Worth theFight: Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Swan dive down eleven stories high
Hold your breath until you see the light
You can sink to the bottom of the sea
Just don't go without me
Go get lost where no one can be found
Drink so long and deep until you drown
C’est La Mort-The Civil Wars

“You seem distracted.” Didyme observed.

“Huh?” I replied dumbly, turning my half eaten apple back and forth in my hands. Didyme, Maria, and I were all sitting outside on one of the picnic table during our lunch break.

“My point exactly. I’ve been talking to you were the past ten minutes and all you’ve being doing is nodding your head with the occasional “uh huh” coming from your mouth. Am I really that boring?” Didyme pondered. Maria rubbed her hand soothingly.

“Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind.” I answered truthfully. I really did. So many thoughts seem to plague me every second and minute of the day. Of course I wouldn’t let her know that. I kept tossing my apple from hand to hand.

“You know you can talk to us right? We’re both good listeners and despite what you may think or believe we may understand more than you realize. Maybe not now, but someday whenever you ready, okay?” Maria said. I stopped tossing my apple core.

 It was actually the first time she ever directly spoken to me. I smiled in thanks.

We sat there for a few more minutes relishing in the rare sunlight. I was lost in my thoughts once more and stared down blankly at the apple in my hands when Didyme broke me from my thoughts.

“Hey Bella, have you ever twisted the stem of an apple by reciting the alphabet and whatever letter the stem breaks off is the first letter of the person you’re going to fall in love with?” She asked. I gave her a skeptical look.

“What, are we ten? You actually believe in that superstition? That a piece of fruit can help you determine the person you’re going to fall for? Sounds like a load of crap to me.”

“It works! Every time I did it, it would break off on the letter M, and what do you know?” she gestured to Maria who gave her a sloppy kiss upon her cheek. I looked at her in disbelief.

“Just do it!” She pushed. “Fine.” I huffed.

“A, B, C, D, E-” the apple stem broke off on the letter E.

“Well there you go.  You’re going to fall for someone whose name begins with the letter E.” Didyme beamed.

“That doesn’t mean anything.  I’ve been tossing my apple in my hand since we’ve been out here, it could just be a random letter.” I grumbled.

“Here take mine.” Maria said passing me her half eaten pear. I grimaced.

“Humor me.” She deadpanned. I did it again and once more, the stem broke off on the letter E. The both of them began laughing harmoniously.

“Just a coincidence.” I huffed; hopping down off the picnic table just at the lunch bell rang. I grabbed my book bag and began walking to class.

“Yeah Bella, a coincidence.” She bellowed.

……………………

“Get up and get dressed Bells.” Phil said barging into my room. I sighed and pulled my ear buds from my ears.

“Uncle Phil, what if I had been naked? You can’t barge in like that.” I mocked.

“First, you weren’t, and second, I’ll put that into consideration, but since it’s my house for the time being, I go and come in as I please.” He replied crossing his arms. I flopped back down on the bed.

“Why can’t we spend our Fridays inside? It’s rainy and mucky outside.” I gestured to the window where the rain was softly pelting against the window.

“That’s why they invented ponchos and rain boots, duh!” I rolled my eyes.” Now get up, we’re going into Seattle for a little bit.”

“What’s in Seattle?”

“Just wait and see.” He grinned.

“Uncle Phil, I’m not in the mood. You know how hard last night was for me.” Phil gave me a solemn look as he remembered last night’s events.

I had just finished doing a load of laundry, listening to the radio play a few easy listening tunes. I was just putting a few things away when the “song” came on. “Our song” as my mother had called it.

“Mom, do you think two people can ever fall out of love?” I asked. My mother and I were sitting in the living room in front of the television. The volume was cut down low, an occasional murmur of chatter breaking the sweet silence. I was snuggled against my mother’s side, her arm wrapped around my shoulder while she played with a strand of my hair.

She looked down at me, her blue eyes full of questions. “Where did that come from?” I shook my head and sighed. I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t tell her what I knew.

“Nowhere. I was just curious about it, that’s all.” I answered. She was silent for a moment before letting out a labored breath.

“Yes, I do think that two people can fall out of love with one another. Love is a tricky thing. It can come at you fast or ease itself in very carefully. It’s also very fragile. It can bring you joy and happiness or immense sorrow and pain. If there’s too much of the latter, than yes, two people are capable of falling out of love.” she replied.

“What about other people? Family for instance. What about that kind of love?” I asked. She looked back down at me.

“Well that kind of love is a completely different story. That kind of love is something that never goes away. No matter what that person does or says to hurt you, you always find it in your heart to forgive them. It’s something so big and grand that you feel like your heart swells until it seems like it can’t fit in your chest. Sometimes it’s just indescribable.”

“That sounds very cliché and bookish to me.” I huffed. My mother giggled.

“Oh it does. What I described is just how I felt when I laid my eyes on you.” I rolled my eyes.

“Oh yes, because everyone fawns over a little red faced wrinkled baby.”

“Your father and I did. We might be biased, but you were the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. Soft flushed skin, a head full of soft brown hair and these huge eyes so full of wonder and curiosity. I love your father but the love I felt when I saw you; to know I had brought this little person into the world, is a feeling I will keep with me for the rest of my life. I may have been young at the time, but I knew then that this was what love felt like.” She replied, and I could tell her voice was beginning to catch in her throat.

“My sweet Isabella, no matter what you do in life or who you become, I just want you to know that I love you so much. I never want you to forget that. I will love you no matter what you do in this crazy world. The both of us, alright.” She cooed, pressing a kiss to my temple. I closed my eyes and fell silent. My heart was beating wildly in my chest.

How could she love me when I knew something that could possibly break her? Tears threatened to fall from my eyes as the fear of what could be filled my mind.

My mother began stroking her hands through my hair as she hummed our favorite song. As much as I loved my father, my mother and I shared a bond that only a mother and daughter could have. She kept humming until she brokenly sang into the oncoming darkness.

And when she wraps her hand around my finger,
How it puts a smile in my heart,
Everything becomes a little clearer,
I realize what life is all about,
It's hanging on when your heart has had enough,
It's giving more when you feel like giving up,

Her voice cracked on the last line.

I’ve seen the light, in my daughter’s eyes.

She continued to stroke my hair until I felt myself succumbing to the depths of sleep, while her words haunted me.

“I will love you no matter what you do…”

“I will love you no matter what you do…”

“I will love you no matter what you do….”

Phil found me basically catatonic as I laid on the floor staring off into space. It was after he threatened calling emergency services that I snapped out of it.  I really couldn’t sleep that night until the early hours of the morning. That was the only reason Phil decide against letting me attend school today as well as himself so that we both could get some much needed rest.

“Come on, we need to get out for a bit.” He encouraged.

“Must we?

“Yes, please. We leave in five.” He cheered, bouncing out the room. Yes, bouncing out the room. He seemed to be too enthusiastic to have my company than I was of his. After grudgingly pulling myself off my bed, I threw on my sneakers and went outside where Phil was eagerly waiting for me in the car. I rolled my eyes at his antics and hopped in beside him wondering what in the world he had in store for me.

We drove for about two and a half hours, going a little ways past the outskirts of Seattle, where there was a lot of lush forestry and fields. Deciding to play a little with him, I turned in my seat to face him.

“Uncle Phil, you aren’t trying to kill me are you? Cut me up and hide me in the bushes where animals can find my body, and eat my entrails so that the police won’t ever find me are you?” I asked with a straight face.

Phil began choking on his own spit as he looked at me alarmed.

“Good lord, Bella! Where do you get that from? Such a very inappropriate thing to say.” He boomed. I shrugged my shoulders. “You never know.” He gave me an incredulous look before directing his attention back to the road.

We drove for a couple more minutes in silence until he turned down a lone road where I could see other cars turning down. We continued down the road until I looked up and saw a huge sign glaring at me in the face.

“You have got to be kidding me.” I breathed as we passed under the illuminated sign blinking “Davy Smith’s Local Fair” in Technicolor lights.

“You’re seriously trying to kill me aren’t you?”  Phil laughed as we parked in one of the open fields.

“Nah, but I’m trying to get you to have fun, if it’s the last thing I do.” He cheered.

“Good luck with that.” I replied sarcastically.

……

“My wallet feels so empty!” Phil groaned. I laughed and hugged my $30 worth of failed attempts of shooting a ball into a hoop stuffed pig. It was huge, purple and the cutest thing I had ever seen. I may have been seventeen, but I was still a girl and I loved stuffed animals. I squeezed it against my chest.

“Thanks Uncle Phil.” I smiled.

‘You welcome kid. Let’s go get something to eat. Carnival food is the best.” I followed behind him as we headed over towards the various concession stands. I sat down at one of the picnic tables settling my pig I nicknamed Nee beside me. I was waiting for Phil’s return when I felt a small tap on my shoulder.

 I turned around and looked up into the amused blue eyes of Didyme and of course beside her was Maria.

“Bella!” she squealed giving me a hug. Maria gave me a small wave.

“What are you doing here? You weren’t in school today. I feared you were sick, but Maria here told me to leave it alone. Are you okay?” Di rambled.

“Yeah I’m fine. I’m here with my Uncle Phi-, Jesus did you buy everything they had?” I scrambled off the bench towards Phil who was struggling to keep all the food and drinks he had in his hands. He had to have had gotten nearly one of everything on the menu. He gave me a sheepish grin

“I didn’t know what you preferred and I’m hungry, so I thought why not get one of everything?”

“You know we can’t eat all of that right?”

“We sure as hell can try. Oh hello girls.”

“Hi Coach Dwyer!” They both squealed. I rolled my eyes. The irony that despite the fact they were both lesbians, the two of them had admitted to me if given the chance, they would love do it with my uncle. Gross.

“No its Phil to you outside of school. Especially since you’re Bella’s friends. By the way, why aren’t you girls in school right now?” He asked. I looked down at my watch. He was right. It was only 1:30 and school didn’t let out until three.

Didyme began to blush. “Oh just for special purposes, uh Maria, let’s get to the Ferris wheel before the line gets too long. Bye Bella, Mr. Dwy-, uh Phil.” She rambled pulling a disgruntled Maria behind her.

“Well that was odd, wasn’t it?” I muttered. I turned back to Phil who was now stuffing his face with cotton candy and bites of hot dog simultaneously. I wrinkled my face up at him.

‘That’s gross.”

“Tastes delicious to me.” He grinned. I rolled my eyes and began picking at the nachos he laid out before me. Surprisingly, they were delicious and I showed my enthusiasm by stuffing multiple chips into my mouth.

We continued eating over comfortable silence when I noticed a couple of shadows behind me. I turned around to see it was Ms. Esme along with a huge burly guy and a small short haired woman. I stopped eating and looked down at my lap, hoping they would quickly greet us and leave. Unfortunately, nothing ever goes my way.

“Hi Phil, Isabella!” Esme cheered. I fought the urge to correct her. “What are you guys doing here?” Why else would someone be here? Dumb question. Of course I didn’t vocalize that.

“Just decided to spend a Friday out with my favorite niece. She had a rough night and I thought she could use a little entertainment.” Phil answered. I kicked him in the knee. He groaned.

“I’m your only niece.” I grumbled, appalled that he was letting everyone know my business. I noticed the small woman and burly guy had seen my kick to Phil’s knee and were eyeing me curiously.

“Well that’s okay; we all have our rough nights. Want to talk about it?” Esme encouraged. Her gaze was so motherly that I yearned for that own look from my own mother. Then I remembered I would never have that look from her again.

 She was dead.

I had killed her.

My breath caught in my throat and I knew I was on the verge of a panic attack. I could feel the tears beginning to brim in my eyes. Not wanting them to see my breakdown, I closed my eyes.

“Not really. Uncle Phil, I’m really not hungry anymore. I’m going to walk around for a bit.” I stuttered out, practically falling out of my seat as I got up.

“Bella…” Phil said but I didn’t catch the rest of it as I pushed through the crowds of people. I made it over to a clearing by the bathrooms and collapsed.

 I brought up my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I took a few deep breaths and before I knew it, sobs were shaking throughout my whole body. With each breath I took, it seemed like more and more tears began to fall. I was glad I was far back enough that no one could see or hear me, since the noises I was making seemed to be nothing of this world.

After about ten minutes, I could feel myself beginning to calm down.  I raised my head from my knees and saw that my tears had completely soaked through my jeans. It was also then that I noticed that I was not alone.

“You know I was in this exact position a couple of years ago.” It was the small short haired woman. She was sitting Indian style beside me, fingering a strand of her short jet black hair. She couldn’t have been more than a couple of years older than me and yet had this certain maturity about her as she looked at me with honest grey eyes.

“How much of that did you see?” I asked, my voice cracking on the last word.

“Enough to know that you need to let it out. My name’s Allison Brandon, but people call me Alice.” She gestured out her hand for me to take. I shook it wearily.

“I’m pretty sure you know all about me huh?”

“I only know your name. Your business is yours to tell. All I can do is listen.” She replied.

“Why did you follow me?”

“You look like you needed someone to talk to. Maybe share a little?” she pushed.

“What is up with everyone wanting me to share about how I feel? No offense to you  Alice, but  I don’t know you from Adam so excuse me when I say that you and Ms. Esme are probably the last people I want to confide in at the moment.” I replied standing up. I wiped away a few stray tears that fell from my eyes.

“You know anger, is the first sign of someone crying out for help.” Alice said standing up. She really was small; she couldn’t have been any taller than 5 feet. She dusted her body off and stood in front of me.

“Excuse me when I say this Alice, but fuck help.” I replied, storming away. I pushed through the crowds with Alice trailing behind me until I found Phil who was still with Ms. Esme and the burly man; although I had noticed that their group had gotten impeccably bigger.

Phil looked relieved when he saw me and ran over to me.

“Bells, honey are you alright?” He asked, pressing me to his chest.

“Bella?” I didn’t answer him as I peeked through the nook of his arm and saw Ms. Rosalie, along with Didyme and Maria looking at me with concerned looks.  Oh great they were all here to witness my humiliation.

Ms. Esme was off to the side talking to her husband who had mysteriously appeared out of nowhere and were looking at me with concerned looks.

 Alice was back and walked over beside Ms. Rosalie and the huge burly man. A tall blonde man was conversing quietly with another blonde man and woman throwing a few glances my way. Even the kids behind them were looking at me strangely.

This was just great; I had become the side show attraction of the fair. I snuggled my face against Phil’s chest.

“Bella?” he asked, against my head.

“Can we please go home?”

“What?”

“Can we please go?” I mumbled again.

“Okay, let me say bye to…”He trailed off; trying to turn away but I grabbed him tighter.

Still not letting him go, he gave a quick wave before we began walking back towards the entrance. I could have sworn I saw a flash of bronze from corner of my eye, but then again maybe I was just seeing things.

I saw a lot these days.

Sometimes I saw too much.

Let’s walk on the road that has no end
Steal away where only angels tread
Heaven or hell or somewhere in between
Cross your heart and take me with you please
Don't go
Please don't go
Don't go without me

Worth the Fight: Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I have to redeem myself
Forever and forever
You can hear it in my song
You can see it in my eyes
You can master me
You can master me alive

The Real You-Joseph Arthur

“Are you just going to sit there staring out the window or are you going to get out of the car? School starts in fifteen minutes.” Phil asked. I let out a deep breath, wondering why I had agreed to this. My stomach was so full of butterflies that I could basically harbor a conservatory if I wanted to. This school was just so different than what I was used to. Down here, students were required to take five classes a day out of seven that alternated every day, not to mention the fact that gym was required all four years. I was a junior so I knew I was going to be subjected to this hell for a while. All of these things were just at the tip of the iceberg, not to mention that being the new girl wasn’t distracting enough.

“Bella, come on.” Phil pleaded, and I grudgingly nodded my head. I had to do it sooner or later, so I might as well save myself the trouble and get it over with. I quietly got out the car. I desperately wanted to blend in.  This morning, I opted for a simple sweater and jeans combo and yet I still felt like all eyes were on me as Phil and I walked towards the admissions office. I didn’t want him to accompany me, but he had to pick up his mail from the office and sign off for my schedule. It was all just perfect (enter sarcastic remark here).

After leaving the office, we parted ways. He headed towards the gymnasium promising that we would meet up later at his car at the end of the day. He also told me he would see me later in P.E which of course would just be the highlight of my day. I looked down at my schedule.

Isabella Marie Swan

Grade: 11th

SS: xxxxx8768
Parent/Guardian: Phillip Kyle Dwyer

Address: 775 K St. Forks, WA. 98331

Phone Number: 555-9808

Schedule is effective as of: 1/5/2008

1. English III: Mr. Banner Rm. 406 Mon.-Fri.

2. Art III: Mr. Molina Rm. 602 Mon. Wed. Fri.

3. Algebra II: Mrs. Alinos Rm.709 Mon. Tues. Thurs.

4. Chemistry: Ms. Jameson Rm.705 Tues. Thurs. Fri.

5. American History: Mrs. Freeman Rm.809 Mon. Wed. Thurs.

6. P.E: Mr. Dwyer- Gymnasium Tues. Wed. Fri.

7. Psychology: Mr. Zuniga Rm. 701 Mon. - Fri.

It was Wednesday and it appeared that I would at least be in some of my favorite classes sans the second to last one. I wandered the hallways until the bell rang and the halls quickly filled with people. I got a few glances from a couple of students, but at least no one was blatantly staring at me. My day passed without a hitch and no one seemed to bother me much to my relief. Luckily, the day was almost over, but now I had to face Phil and his dreaded P.E class. He had told me earlier that morning to arrive a little earlier and get situated.

The gym was easy to find, the only lone building at the back of the school. I quietly walked over through the muddy field, careful of not getting my sneakers wet and walked inside. Phil was over by his office talking to a tall blonde woman. She looked out of place with her designer jeans, blouse, and heels, but her face seemed to hold a sense of warmth as she spoke with my uncle. I stood there quietly, weary of disturbing their conversation when Phil smiled and gestured for me to come over. The tall blonde woman looked over at me and she was even more beautiful than I could imagine. Her blonde locks fell just above her shoulders in waves and she had the prettiest hazel eyes I had ever seen. She had looked like a model who had just stepped off the runway making me feel like the poster child for the frumpy kids of America. She smiled at me warmly.

“Bells, this is my friend Rosalie Hale, and Rosalie this is my niece Bella.” Phil smiled and I noticed that his cheeks were slightly flushed. I was going to ask him about that later. Rosalie reached out her hand for me to take.

 “Hello Bella, it’s so nice to meet you. I’ve heard so many good things about you.” I smiled, or at least hoped it was a smile and not a grimace.  I shook her hand. I didn’t want to come across as rude. Ms. Hale looked at me understandingly and then I wondered how much Phil had told her about me.

“Nice to meet you too Ms. Hale. I would like to say that I heard a lot about you but sadly I can’t. My apologies.”  I answered and we stood there in awkward silence.

“Um, well I have to go. I have errands to run and people to see, so I’ll see you later.” Ms. Hale smile and what got me was the fact that when she said that she didn’t look at Phil and over at me instead. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion and I noticed that Phil had shaken his head at her. With a quick wave, she was gone. I turned back to Phil.

“So, does she even work here? She seems…a little out of place.” I asked. Phil shook his head.

“No she doesn’t. She’s a counselor of sorts. Rose…Ms. Hale just wanted to talk to me about a few things.” He said cryptically and gestured for the both of us to go into his office.

“Rose, eh? So I’m assuming that the both of you know each other on a personal level?” He gave me a pointed look.

“No Bella, she and I are just friends.”

“But you want to be more than friends, right?’ I implied, with a wiggle of my eyebrows. Phil gave me another look.

“Bells, we are not here to talk about me.” I sighed. “Fine.”

Phil leaned back in his seat and grabbed me a uniform from behind his desk.

“Here you go Bella. I think this should fit you just fine. Now I don’t expect you dress out today, since it’s your first day and all, but don’t expect to be treated any differently just because you’re my niece. I have to treat everyone the same. Of course the staff knows you’re my niece so I don’t have to worry about any problems from that but when we’re in school; in class, I’m Mr. Dwyer to you.  We have a simple student/teacher relationship okay?” I nodded my head and grimaced as my stomach growled loudly. Phil gave me another pointed look. I wondered what was going on with the looks he was giving me lately.

“Bella did you eat today? I gave you lunch money didn’t I?”  Phil asked, his blue eyes gleaming with nothing but concern. I looked away.

“Yeah, I guess I was too nervous to go get anything.” I lied, well at least partly. In all honesty I was too scared to go to the cafeteria; full of wondering eyes and questioning looks. I just couldn’t handle it today. Phil let out a labored breath. “I know.” I whispered quietly. He reached but under his desk and pulled out a brown paper bag and slid it across his desk to me.

“Uncle Phil,” I breathed. He raised his hands. “Eat.”

I opened the bag to see a turkey club sandwich, a bag of chips, and a bottle of apple juice.  The sandwich was my favorite but knowing Phil and his cooking skills, I eyed the sandwich wearily.

“I promise it’s good.” I took a bite and then another. Phil smiled happily at me. The bell rang and he stayed seated.

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready?” I asked, taking a sip of the juice.

“Yeah, but they’ll be alright.’ He replied and waited as I finished eating.

“You’re not going to watch me eat all the time, are you?” he shrugged his shoulders.

“Is there a reason why I should?” He retorted raised his eyebrows questioningly. I shook my head.

“No I was just wondering why you were sitting here with me instead of out there.” I replied, throwing the now empty bag into the garbage bag.

“I don’t mind. I need to make a mental note to start making your lunch along with mine in the morning.” He grinned patting his stomach. I looked down at my feet embarrassed.

“Oh gosh, I didn’t even think of that. I took you lunch didn’t I? I’m so sorry.” I rambled. Phil got up and put his arms around my shoulder.

“Bells, relax. I can take the hunger. You can’t. I don’t need you wasting away on me.” I still wasn’t convinced.

“Fine, how about you make me some of you delicious lasagna I’ve heard about and we’ll be even.” He grinned. I nodded my head and motioned to leave. I stopped in the doorway.

“Wait, how did you know about my lasagna?” I asked curiously.

“The same way I knew that turkey club was your favorite.” He winked at me, and for a moment I saw a spark in his eyes. The same spark that only came when he spoke of my mother.

I didn’t reply and walked out the door.

………..

“Omg, Mr. Dwyer is so hot. If only I was eighteen, I would do him in a heartbeat.” A blonde girl whose name I found out was Lauren squawked.

“Oh yes Lauren. I mean he is so freaking hot. He reminds me of McSteamy or Dreamy or whatever that guy is on that doctor show.” Another girl named Jessica joined in. I rolled my eyes and looked around. Since Phil was late coming to class (since he was talking to me), he decided he was going to give everyone a free day and the choice to dress out if they wanted to.

Of course the boys in our class took this as a chance to play basketball, while the majority if the girls including me sat on the bleachers for the remainder of the hour. There were about 15 girls in this class including myself and as any cliché would have it in high school; they were all separated by cliques.

The yappy twins as I called Lauren and Jessica must have been the popular girls, with their incessant gossip, short skirts, and flipping of their overly processed blonde hair, the two of them and their other 3 friends could have been Forks high school’s version of Mean Girls. The rest of the girls were separated in their own groups, while a couple of other girls were scattered around by themselves.

My observation was broken by the sound of a nasally voice.

“Hey new girl.” I turned my head and saw that is was one of the Mean girls. I tried to ignore her, but she called out for me again.

“New girl!” she said again.

“Yes?” I answered and saw that all of them were watching me. I sighed and motioned for her to tell me whatever she wanted.

“My friend Irina said that she saw you in Mr. Dwyer’s office and that was why he was late arriving to class. She said she saw you and then he came out later all flustered and everything.” She snidely said. I shook my head in confusion.

“First day and you’re already trying to make an impression, sleeping with teachers. It’s really not a cute. It’s kind of sad actually.” She continued and that’s when I comprehended what she was trying to say. I nearly choked on my spit.

“I…no…I…you got it al...all wrong.” I stuttered.

“Kate’s right. I mean you’re not even that pretty to be sleeping with…” the other girl was cut off by another voice.

“Stop being a bitch Carmen. Mr. Dwyer’s her uncle. Now stop being a nosy fucker and leave the girl alone.” I looked up to see a tall dark haired girl standing beside me.

“Ah, if it isn’t Didemon over here. Don’t you have a rock to live under?” Carmen barked.

“Yeah it’s the same place where you left your personality and heart.” The girl replied back. “Come on.” The girl gestured for me to follow behind her. I got up and carefully followed her up the bleachers to where another dark haired girl was sitting. I sat down on the bleacher below them.

“Thank you. I don’t even know those girls.” I stated gratefully.

“Don’t worry about it, those girls prey on everyone and everything. They think they run this school.” The girl who saved me replied. She had long jet black hair and bright blue eyes. She was dressed in a t-shirt/jeans combo with a pair of converse.  The girl beside her had long brown hair with streaks of blonde and pink throughout her hair. She too had blue eyes, with various piercings in her nose and eyebrows. She was dressed in an all-black sweater dress and boots. She was looking at me curiously. I asked them both for their names.

“Oh I’m sorry, I’m Didyme Daniels. I know my name seems weird. I think my parents were in Greece or some shit and came up with my name, but you can call me Di. This lovely lady is Maria Holiantos but don’t let her tough appearance get to you, she’s a sweetheart.” Did- Di smiled and it didn’t escape my notice that she rubbed Maria’s hand lovingly. Maria just stared at me.

“Oh I’m.” Di cut me off.

“You’re Isabella.” I raised my eyes questionably.

I’m sorry if I’m freaking you out. I work as an office aid and I heard about you being Mr. Dwyer’s niece. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.” She apologized. I shook my head.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad someone saved me.” I grimaced.

“Don’t worry about it.” Di repeated my words. “That’s what friends are for right?” She smiled and I felt myself smiling back.

“Yeah. And you can call me Bella.”

……….

“So how was your day?” Phil asked conversationally as we sat down at one of the booths. We were in some ratty pizza joint in Port Angeles, which Phil swore had the best pizza in Washington State. It was a Friday night and the place was swarming with people. Phil did this every day. We would both sit down while we ate and he would ask about my day. I knew we were avoiding the elephant in the room with my constant nightmares and screaming throughout the night, which was evident by the huge dark circles under my eyes, but he was trying to placate me by getting my mind on other things.

“Yeah it was fine.  My classes went okay and I spent lunch with Maria and Di.” I replied, just as the server brought out the largest pizza I had ever seen in my life and onto the table with a couple of napkins.

“You really expect the both of us to eat all of this?” I asked, as he handed me a slice.

“Well no, but we can always try.” Phil grinned, taking a bite of his own slice. I looked down at mine. It was cheesy, greasy, and gooey. I grimaced.

“Bella.” Phil said through a mouthful.

“Fine.” I huffed, tentatively take a bite. It was delicious. I took another bite and noticed Phil give me an encouraging smile.

We continued our conversation and I felt it slightly calming to have some sense of normalcy again. In the last few months of my parents’ lives, dinner together was a rare occurrence. If it wasn’t the fact that one of them were missing, or at work, it was because of the bickering. Don’t get me wrong, my parents loved me faithfully, but sometimes I wondered when the loving between the two of them began to fade or if it had ever existed at all.

……….

“Dinner’s almost ready.” I said, walking into the room to see my father on the couch watching a football game. I walked behind him and laid my head on his shoulder.

“Where’s mom?” I asked, looking over at the television screen. He let out a labored breath. My dad was a quiet man. He didn’t show his feelings much, something I inherited from him. I looked at his brown eyes, which mirrored mine eerily in exact color and shape. He rested his head against mine.

“Still out. I’m guessing one of her lessons ran over.” He answered. My mother taught piano lessons and was one of the best piano players I ever knew. I followed in her footsteps and played the piano whenever I could, just so we could spend time together.

“Her lessons have been running over a lot lately. I miss her being around when I get home.” I sighed.

“Yeah.” He sounded defeated. I do too.” He replied and I turned to see that he had and conflicted expression upon his face.

“Dad?”

“Yes Bells?” He answered.

“You would tell me if something was wrong right?” I asked. I may have been sixteen at the time, but I knew I was too mature and observant beyond my years.

“Of course baby girl.” He replied and for the first time, I could see something hidden in his eyes. Something dark and consuming. My father was always an honest man, but I could tell he was hiding something Both of my parents were. I wanted to ask him more about it, but heard the front door open and my mother’s tinkling voice echo through the hallway as she entered.

My father would never give me the answers I wanted. Neither would my mother.

I had to find out things the hard way and when I did, I wished it were me lying in pools of my own blood and not theirs.

I feel like taking a razor blade
And on my wrist
Write an invitation
I feel like taking a loaded gun
And in my mouth
Blowing up the ocean

When Love Throws you a Smile Chapter 2

                                                                                                                                  Chapter 2

Real love is a pilgrimage. It happens when there is no strategy, but it is very rare because most people are strategists.

Anita Brookner

Edward’s Pov

I am a planner.

I plan for any type of situation thrown my way and have plan A-Z when the going gets tough.

 I find every nook and cranny to get what I needed; finding every loophole I could find.

To make money doing something you love was rare, but I enjoyed it.

You see, working in corporate America let alone in NYC was tough business.

Working as CEO of one of the top advertising firms in the country and fifth in the world was an accomplishment that I was happy to gloat about but very difficult at the same time.

I was serious about my work. There was no time for fun and games to be honest.

I made millions just by putting my ideas to use. It was easy. First coming up with an idea, then getting all the details down onto paper,  budgeting, getting the right connections, and from there turning it into an actual manifestation, and then bingo; dollar signs. Two weeks tops, maybe a month, not even a year for one of my ads to make millions of not billions.

Again, I am a strategist.

I played no games.

When I want something I would do anything to get it.

No if, ands, or buts.

It was all a serious matter.

Things just fell into place and right into the palm of my hand.

Deals. Money. Women.  The whole she-bang.

But I lacked one thing.

The man who had everything wanted more.

The one thing I wanted most.

The one thing I had no plan for.

I wanted to find love.

As corny as it sounds, being the 32 year old millionaire perpetual bachelor had some perks, but lacked in some areas. I was less than eight years from being forty, which was only halfway to eighty and here I was, alone.

The women I usually dated were just bland to me. They lacked sustenance; life, and personality.

I knew my appeal to women. Fiery bronze hair that was redder than it was brown, grass green eyes, structured cheekbones with a defined square jawline, and round the clock stubble. I knew I wasn’t ugly, but I wanted someone who was attracted to me for my intellect, my thoughts and regards of the world and not just the fact that I was “fuckable” and worth millions.

Growing up in a huge Irish family, I knew what it was like to be surrounded by an all-consuming love.  As the youngest of four kids, nephew to twelve aunts and uncles, and having over 30 cousins, being amorous was definitely something I was used to.

I was the only singling of the whole clan and they all never let me forget it.

“Edward why can’t you settle down and give me grandkids?” My mother Elizabeth would yap, or “Baby bro, why can’t you find a nice lady already or are you gay?” My man-child of a brother Benjamin would cackle.

It was kind of sickening though. All of my brothers and sisters had a respective someone and here I was as the lone duckling. It was nothing I wasn’t used to, but I admit it did get lonely sometimes.

There wasn’t to say I didn’t do my fair share of dating, because I did. I had only had two serious relationships. Of course both of those relationships eventually ended up in a break up, but at least they were on amicable terms and we were all still friends.

My first girlfriend was Victoria Daniels, a fiery red head, full of spunk and full of life.  She had the biggest blue eyes and a cat like fierceness to her. She loved going out on the weekends and I admit that every moment I spent with her was nothing short of adventurous. I spent two years with her, before we mutually decided that we were better off as friends. I was even her “man of honor” at her wedding when she married one of my good friends James.

My second and last relationship was with the lovely Angela Webber. She was a couple of years older than me, but that didn’t stop me from pursuing her. With her jet black hair, olive complexion, and grey eyes, she was definitely a sight for sore eyes.

She was so sweet. When I approached her, she was too cute stumbling over her words and spilling things when I asked her on date. Angela was very different from Victoria; she was quieter but a very amazing intellectual. It was nice to talk to someone who didn’t just nod at the things I said, or blurted out things that were either redundant or just idiotic.

I dated her for four years and even admit to say that I might have loved  her, but when I brought her over to my parents for the first time and she saw my older brother Benjamin aka Benji for short, it was history. They fell head over heels for one another and I couldn’t even be mad when she ended our relationship.

The way she looked at him, was nothing compared to the way she would look at me. Her eyes would light up every time she saw him and the smile that would spread over her face every time he entered the room was enough to make me realize that I truly wasn’t the one for her. I know it sounds cliché like some sappy rom-com, but I wanted that.

They’re courtship lasted only three weeks, before the two of them were engaged and eventually married. In fact, my nephew Jude Edward Cullen was born about eight and a half weeks ago.

As for my other siblings, the eldest was my older sister Jane and her husband Marcus They have been married for 17 years and have my eight year old nieces Chelsea and Renata. There was of course my brother Benjamin, Angela, and their son Jude, and then my youngest sister Jessica who was three years older than me and engaged to her boyfriend of six years Mike.

So of course this left me, as the singling of the group. My siblings gave me crap about it every time I came over for dinner. “Edward do this, or “Edward get a girl like that.” It was becoming increasingly irritating and resulted in me missing a couple of Thursdays for dinner.

This was what led me to Ferguson’s restaurant in Upper East Side of the city. The day before I had received a lot of crap from my family about settling down, and I knew that I couldn’t deal with them again without losing my mind so I opted to just stay home. My cooking skills were nonexistent and I would basically starve if it wasn’t for takeout and TV dinners.

It was about eight o clock that night and I wandered around aimlessly looking for something to eat when I came across a huge restaurant situated at the end of the street. I could hear a cacophony of noises and music flowing through the air and before I knew it I was inside taking on the scene around me. People were everywhere. There was a live band on stage next to a dance floor, while the small white clothed tables were situated in cascading designs against each section of the floor on varying platforms.

The smell of food wafted up into the air and my stomach growled ravenously. I didn’t want to look like a loser sitting alone at one of the tables, so I decided to just head up to one the long bars where I saw other patrons eating.

I took a seat and it wasn’t long before a waitress, a tall blonde named Kate asked me what I wanted to drink while handing me a menu.

I settled on a gin and tonic and a plate of risotto and lamb before handing her the menu back.  It didn’t escapee my notice that she was eyeing me like a piece of meat, but she quietly left me alone for which I was grateful.

I took a sip of my drink and looked around. People were still coming in by the hordes. I was lucky that I had even managed to grab a seat at the bar. I sat there for about ten minutes before Kate came back and gave me my food.  I sat there for a while and ate my food quietly, ignoring Kate and her flirting along with a few other desperate women. I was actually considering giving in to woman number 6 (since I had had any in a while) when I saw her standing across the room.

She was hunched over at other table taking a large group’s order. I couldn’t see her face, but from what I could see, I knew that she had an amazing body.

She was wearing a similar outfit to Kate’s consisting of a white blouse and black pencil squirt, but somehow the way she was wearing it seemed to make her stand out. Her clothes seemed to fit every curve of her body. She was very petite, about 5’6 or 5’7, much shorter than my 6’2 frame. Her legs looked incredibly long in her heels and her breasts seemed to be the perfect size; not too big or too smile, but enough to fit perfectly in my hands… uh I mean her shirt. Her hair was the color of chestnuts; lying casually in a braid down her back, the ends sweeping casually as she moved. Her skin was incredibly pale, almost porcelain like. My body yearned for her to turn around and when she did it was like everything had stopped.

Yes stopped.

I knew I was being ridiculous, but my lust filled mind paid no attention.

She was extraordinary.

A beautiful heart shaped face adorned with big brown eyes and dark eyelashes. A small but slightly upturned nose with plumped peach colored lips. Even from this distance I could tell she had a smattering of freckles across her face which made her seem even more beautiful to me.

I was just entranced by her. I finished my food all whilst staring her. I knew I probably looked like a lunatic the way I stared at her, but I couldn’t help it. Something about her just caught my attention and I wished for nothing more to find out her name.

Of course I would never know or ever ask seeing as a tall olive skinned man with curly hair came up beside her and put his arm around her shoulders.

Figures. She would be taken.

I sighed. As much as I wanted to sit there and stare at her and mentally bash over the head the dude with his arms around her, it was getting late and I had a long morning ahead of me. It was for the best. I was just lusting after her anyway. I’d be lucky to even come back this way. I gave one final glimpse and watched as she and the guy walk towards the back.

 I quietly paid my bill, ignoring one final advance from Kate before leaving, quietly wondering to myself why I felt as if I was leaving something.

4 weeks later………

“Blauh!” Jude gurgled as I raised him over my head. It was another Thursday night and here I was at another family dinner trying to avoid the inquisition from my family. Dinner was nice as always, but once my mom started blabbing about wanting more grandkids and me settling down, I quietly crept out the room to go eat with my nieces Chelsea and Renata. They enjoyed my company, but after realizing I wasn’t going to let them cover me in their princess makeup, they left me alone.

It was now just me and Jude, who I now had cradled in my arms. He looked just like Benjamin, with fine brown hair and a mischievous grin and for a second I pictured him as my own with my own wife waiting beside me.

It was actually nice to around someone who didn’t push about my love life or lack of one for that matter. In fact he probably didn’t know what was even going on around him.

“Yeah, you don’t care about Uncle Edward’s love life, do you buddy?” I cooed, pressing a kiss to his chubby cheek before raising him above my head.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. I just fed him not too long ago and if you don’t want to meet some non-digested breast milk, I suggest you cease all movement.” Angela grinned sitting down beside me. Jude instantly recognizing his mother’s scent began squirming in my arms. I quickly passed him over and settled back against the couch closing my eyes.

“It’s a lot to handle isn’t it?” she asked. I raised one of my eyebrows in question but didn’t open my eyes.

“I mean them antagonizing you like that every time we have a family dinner. It must get irritating.” I sighed and scrubbed my hands against my face.

“Yeah it does. I wish they would just fucking leave me alone. When I’m ready to date and fall in love, it’ll be on my terms not theirs. I know I’m the baby of the family and they are all protective over me, but sometimes they can just be so overbearing.” I huffed. I felt Angela’s hand on my shoulder. I opened my eyes to see her looking at me concernedly.

“You know they just worry about you. Yes they can be a bit overbearing including that husband of mine, but they all have good intentions, even if you don’t realize it yet.”

“I know they have good intentions, but I’m a grown man for god sakes! I’m thirty two years old. They have to let me do things on my own time. I go out with plenty of girls and they never gave me this much crap.”

“Yeah, but considering your past dating history…” she started, but I cut her off.

“Oh well we see how that all turned out.” I growled with implication. Angela visibly flinched and I instantly regretted my words.

“I’m sorry about that. You know I mean nothing by it. You and Benji are perfect for one another. I guess I’m just a little frustrated because I want what you have, what Jane and Marcus have; Jessica and Mike, even my parents, I just want it all.

“And you will get it. Have you been dating around recently?”

“Sort of.” I answered vaguely. I couldn’t exactly explain to her, that all I did was fuck with a few women. I wasn’t a manwhore, but damn I had needs that my lefty and righty couldn’t sustain.

“You either are or you aren’t which one is it” She pushed. I sighed.

“Angela, I really don’t feel like talking about it right now, can we just leave it at that?”

She didn’t reply. She quietly got up and left out the room.

Fucking Perfect.

…………..

“Dude come on, there’s this nice restaurant I’ve been hearing rave reviews about. Vanessa wants us all to go down there and try it out. You in?” My best friend Jacob hollered from across the room where he was doing his crunches on the floor.

“Man, I’m right here, no needed to scream.” I panted.

“Sorry, but do you want to come? Vanessa’s friend Tanya is coming down from Alaska and she wants us all to meet her.” He grunted.

“Ah, not you too fucker! This is another set up isn’t it? I already got my family on my back and now you too? I just can’t win.” I huffed.

“I know man. You know Vanessa worries; she is a Cullen after all.” Jacob grinned. I rolled my eyes at him. I still wasn’t used to him dating my cousin, but as long as he treated her right, I was fine with their relationship. Once he messed up, he was going to be in some deep shit and he knew it.

“Don’t remind me. What’s the name of the restraint anyway?” I asked, grabbing a towel off the rack beside me. Jacob got up from his crouch on the floor and walked over beside me.

“Ferguson’s. Ever heard of it?” he asked. Of course I did. That’s where that lovely little waitress worked. The one with the big brown eyes and long brown hair. I hadn’t really gave her much thought in the last month or so since I’d been there, but thinking of her seemed to reignite the lust I felt that night.

“Actually no,” I lied dumbly. “Maybe I should come to see what it’s like and that way Tanya won’t be the third wheel.” I continued. I didn’t even know if she would be working tonight, but hey you never know until you try. Jake grins at me.

“Yes. Hopefully all goes well with you and Tanya. That way, Vanessa can stop worrying about you and I can finally get some!” He grunted. I punched him in the arm.

“Dude that’s my cousin.” I screech, praying the images that no one should ever have of their family members out of my head.

“That makes it all much better.” He cackled.

That fucker.

………………….

“Are you listening to anything I have to say?” Tanya huffed for the umpteenth time tonight.

“Actually no.” I answered honestly, earning a swift kick to the knee from Vanessa. I glared at her. I was just ready to go home. When she said she had a nice friend coming down from Alaska, I didn’t know she would mean this stuck up, bleached bimbo. Those were harsh words to use for a woman but they were definitely true. God knows Tanya was a beautiful woman with her long strawberry locks, green eyes, and statuesque body, but after hearing for the fifth time how she was about to get signed to a modeling agency and that Tyra Banks was like her best friend while also looking down on everyone and everything else, I tuned her out, much to her chagrin.

I still hadn’t seen the beauty from the month ago and I wished for nothing more than a distraction to get away from this travesty of a dinner.  My cousin and Jake were in their own little world and once the band began playing and the two of them left the table and headed towards the dance floor leaving me with Tanya. I sighed.

“Aren’t you going to ask me dance?” She huffed crossing her hands over her chest in irritation.

“No I’m not.”  She looked at me in disbelief. Once she realized I was serious, she bounded up out of the chair nearly knocking it over in the process.

“Well fine then, I’m going to find someone who will.” Tanya growled at me before storming away from the table.

“What a relief. I finally had some peace. I decided to head towards the bar for a little early night cap. I ordered myself a gin and tonic and took in my surroundings. The place was packed up once more and people were just everywhere. Everyone seemed to be coupled up with someone else in some type of love romp. I glanced over all the dancing couples when I spotted a curly mop of dark hair embracing a raven haired female. I instantly recognized him as the guy who was with the beautiful waitress. From the close proximity of the two, I could definitely tell that there was something going on between the two of them that definitely wasn’t platonic. So maybe he wasn’t with the waitress after all.

This made me wonder where the waitress was and that’s when I spotted her. Huddled in one of the far tables was the waitress. She was sipping a glass of red wine and looking out longingly at the dance floor. Her eyes weren’t focused on the dancing couple but rather everyone else in the room. She looked so alone and there was nothing more than I wanted to do but wrap her in my arms and let my hands mold to the beautiful curves of her body.

That’s when it struck me,

I was going to just that.

Managing all the courage I had, since I was the one usually approached instead, I timidly got up and crept over to her table until I was eventually standing over her.

My senses were immediately overwhelmed by the scent of strawberries and freesia when she looked up at me. Big brown eyes full of curiosity and want.

And that’s when I knew I had to have her in my arms.