WTF: Chapter 1

Standing here in front of you
A wave of joy and sadness fills the room
Your soul has crashed into a wall
Your world just broke to pieces after all
~Heroes Don't Cry~ Scorpions

Chapter 1

"Bella, it's time to get up." My uncle Phil hollered from the doorway. I grudgingly flipped over onto my side to see him looking at me with a concerned look upon his face. He looked like he wanted to say more, but I didn't feel like hearing him speak. I rolled back over onto my stomach and laid my head back down against my pillow.
"Bella, please get up." He said again.
"Do I have a choice in the matter?" I asked, my voice muffled by my pillow. I was content to stay just where I was. Not only that but it was the first time I had actually slept through the night in months and here he was, ruining what may be my only moment of peace.
"Nope, so I suggest you get up and get your ass in gear. We're leaving in twenty." he responded.
Twenty minutes!" I screeched, sitting upright in my bed.
"My shower alone takes fifteen minutes." I grumbled.
"Then I suggest you make it a 5 minute shower then. Especially if you want breakfast. I'm giving you the big tour today!" he smiled, before closing the door behind him. I flopped back down on my back and covered my eyes with my arm.
"Just perfect." I muttered to myself. It was going to be another long day in hell and I didn't know how I was going to manage. Forks was just lush, lush, and more green lush. This town was incredibly small, what more was there to see?
"Bella!" Phil hollered from downstairs.
"I'm up, I'm up." I grumbled, grudgingly getting out of the bed that had become my safe haven these past couple of days. I sighed as my feet hit the cool hardwood floor.
After taking the fastest shower of my life, I got dressed and headed downstairs to have breakfast with the man who was basically still a stranger to me.
Phillip "Phil" Dwyer was my mother's baby brother and was seven years younger than she was. My mom would mention him a lot when I was child, but since he was never around, I usually ignored her ramblings. When I did listen, I learned quite a few things. I knew that the two of them looked nothing alike. Whereas my mother was short at 5'4 and inherited their mother's golden blonde locks, Phil stood at 6'5 and had their father's jet-black locks. The only thing they really shared were their mother Carmen's eerie ice blue eyes that lately seemed to haunt me at night. Besides that, you would have never known they were siblings.
I also knew that while in high school, Phil had a whole baseball career ahead of him; scholarships, scouts, the works, but when he threw out his shoulder a few months before he was supposed to leave for college on a full paid ride, it all came crashing down. His girlfriend even left him. He had to reassess his whole life over and eventually got his degree in physical educations. He now worked as the coach at the only high school in this dreadful town.
At only twenty eight years of age, Phil should have been living the life of a bachelor; staying out late, drinking beer, bringing girls home; typical bachelor stuff. Instead he was at home harboring some teenage girl who killed her parents.
He constantly reassured me that he was fine, but I knew he was hurting as well. My mother and him were close growing up, but fell out of touch seventeen years ago by a certain catalyst.
When a free spirited sixteen-year-old Renee Dwyer met a jaded twenty two year old Charles Swan at the town's local diner, it was love at first sight.
They both came from two different worlds; she was rich, he was poor. Her parents spoiled her, and his didn't give a fuck. She was loud, he was shy. She moved to the music of the stars, and he… well, he didn't move much at all. Despite this, they fell in love. Sounds fairytale-ish right?
My grandparents disapproved of their relationship right off the bat. He was of course five years her junior and not from the right kind of money. Seeing my mother in love and obviously too stubborn to leave him despite their many threats to cut her off, they relented and allowed their relationship to continue.
Their relationship continued happily for the next two years without flaw, but when my mom got pregnant with me at eighteen, it was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Phil was only eleven when my grandparents kicked my mother out with nothing but the clothes on her back and a twenty dollar bill.
My mom never looked back. She and my father relocated to Jacksnville to live with a friend for a while until I came months later.
Life after that was good I guess. I was the apple of their eye as they often told me. They loved me unconditionally, told me to never take anything for granted and wanted to give me the world. I used to believe that notion, but I soon realized that all apples were not good apples, some turned out to be rotten.
…..…
"Not hungry kiddo?" Phil asked.
I stirred my bowl of oatmeal blindly. I looked down at my bowl, I hadn't taken a bite. Besides, the oatmeal didn't look too appetizing anyway.
"No I guess I'm not." I sighed, pulling the sleeve of my hoodie farther down. No need to show Phil the only thing that seemed to soothe the ache in my chest lately.
"Well that's okay then. We'll pick up pizza or something later." He said fidgeting.
"Are you ready for your tour?" he asked grinning, and I had to look away. His smile was too reminiscent of my mother's.
"Tour? There isn't really anything left to see. It's just people, green and more green. It couldn't get any greener if it wanted to. It seems stupid really." I sighed; not feeling bothered to go anywhere. It didn't escape my glance, the hurt look that spread across Phil's face. He looked down at the table.
"Uh we don't have to go…" He stuttered. "I just thought you would like to see a few of the places your mother and I used to hang out at when we were kids." he continued disappointedly. I let out a deep breath. I knew what happened when I let people down and I refused to let it happened to him, even if my own behavior did seem to back fire on me.
"I'm sorry. I guess I'm just tired. I would love for you to show me." I smiled, hoping it didn't appear as a grimace. This seemed to placate him a bit, and his frown let up.
"Really?" He smiled. I nodded my head.
After washing out my dishes, I threw on my sneakers and followed him out into the frothy cool air. I shivered a bit as we headed to his car. We both quickly got in, blasting the heat on high, letting the warm air heat up the car and our chilled skin. Phil quickly pulled out of the driveway of his little two-bedroom house and onto the road. Phil tried to engage me in conversation, but when I kept giving him clipped responses, he left me alone.
Enjoying the silence, I laid my head against the window and closed my eyes, hoping that boredom didn't kill me first, before I decided to do it myself.
…
"And here's the bookstore." Phil said, pulling in front of a bookstore in Port Angeles. Thank god. This was our nineteenth stop so far, and I swore, if we had stopped at just one more lot of green shrubbery, I was going to bang my head in.
"Can we go in?" I asked quietly. I looked out the window. The bookstore was surprisingly large, nearly half the size of a normal Borders or Barnes and Noble. My heart thudded a bit looking at the huge building. Reading was the only solace I had left, and even now, it was the only thing that kept me afloat.
"I was just about to ask you if you wanted to go in. Renee used to tell me how much you loved books." Phil smiled sadly at the mention of his deceased sister. I knew how much he missed her. I missed her every single day.
After parking outside, we got out and headed inside. I was surprised to find it pretty busy. Various customers were moving about, sipping on coffee and cocoa as they carried their purchases. I was just about to ask if I could go look around for a bit, when someone called Phil's name halting us in our steps. I turned around to see a small brown haired woman wave at us. She was standing in front of a group of ten teenagers.
The woman called him over and he obligingly walked over. I nervously trailed behind him.
"Phil it's been awhile." She grinned, and I saw various hands from the group behind her greet and wave at him. I figured a few of them must have been his students.
"It has Esme. What are you and Carlisle up to today?" Phil asked, and I noticed a few questioning glares from the group looking over at me. I looked down at my feet. I never liked being around people I didn't know. I felt like they were constantly appraising me and even a blind man could see the dark circles that had become a permanent fixture under my eyes.
I felt like disappearing, and hoped that no attention would be brought to me.
I was wrong.
"Oh, where are my manners? Esme, this is my niece Bella." He said, shoving me forward. I looked up into the beautiful woman's face and she smiled at me.
"Ah, so you're Bella. It's so nice to meet you. My husband and I actually grew up with your parents. You're the spinning image of your mother too, but you have your father's eyes. Are they here by any chance? I would love to catch up." she smiled, and I felt a frown spread across my face. This was a small town. I thought news traveled fast around here. I looked up at Phil to see he wore the same expression.
"Uh no, they're not here." I whispered vaguely.
"Okay then. Well tell your parents to give me a call." she smiled, and I looked down at my feet.
"II can't." I answered, and she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.
"Well, why not?" she asked, and I suddenly realized how quiet it had gotten. I looked up at her and studied her face for a moment. Her warm blue eyes were watching me curiously. They reminded me of my mother's and I had to look away from this woman's face before I broke down.
A tall blonde man who looked a couple of years older than me was studying me as well, obviously looking over my disheveled appearance. His dark blue eyes peered over at my small form, with a look of pure concern and wonder. It was hard for me to really decipher his expression, and it killed me not knowing what he was thinking.
I began shifting my weight from foot to foot nervously. I hated the attention that seemed to be focused on me. I had the feeling they were judging me and I knew it by the hushed whispers I heard coming from the group behind her.
To save myself from the building anxiety bubbling up in my throat, I turned back to the kind woman named Esme's face.
"They're dead." I said blankly, before looking up at Phil.
"I'm going to wait out by the car. "I told him.
"I thought you wanted to look around." he asked concernedly. He rubbed the back of his neck; a sign I knew meant that he was beginning to feel stressed.
"Maybe another day. I just don't feel up to it anymore." I sighed, turning away. I could feel their stares on my back as I walked away.
I quickly exited and located the car in the parking lot across the street. Since I forgot to grab the keys, I just closed my eyes and leaned against the car door. I rested my head back against the roof of the car and looked up at the sky. The overcast blue sky was turning into a sullen grey and I knew that meant that rain wasn't that far behind.
My mother would tell me when I was little girl, that when it rained it meant heaven's gates were opening up to let an angel in. I was a big skeptic at first. When my mom's best friend Charlotte died when I was seven, it rained outside. When the little girl across the street died from cancer, it rained, and even when my hamster and goldfish died, it rained. But on that faithful night, not one single drop fell. The sky was a sickening gray and thunder roared, but no rain. Not the three days they both lay in the morgue, nor the day we disposed of their ashes. Nothing at all. I used to believe that notion, but now I questioned everything. Nothing was as it seemed, and everything I knew became a lie. Life was a ploy, ready to pull the rug from underneath your feet when you least expected it. The ship you had hoped to catch had already sailed and all there was left was a whole bunch of dust.
I stared up at the darkening sky and watched the thunder roar as a few drops fell, before a slight downpour began. I smiled to myself as the rain pelted my face; the cool drops leaving soothing trails down my face, soaking through my hoodie and jeans. I could just imagine the stares I was getting. "Who's the strange girl grinning up at the sky, as the world down poured on her." or "Mommy who's that crazy lady in the rain?" In fact I would probably welcome that. I wasn't crazy, but I definitely wasn't sane in the matter either. I stood like that for a few minutes, when I heard my name being called.
"Bella!" I heard my uncle call. He ran over to me, bag in hand and quickly unlocked the doors and got inside. I followed in behind him.
"Are you crazy? You're going to get yourself sick." Phil grumbled. Turning on the ignition, he immediately turned the heaters on high and turned them all towards my direction.
"I'm fine. A little rain never killed anyone." I muttered, shivering a bit as the warm air hit my chilled skin.
"You're a terrible liar Bella." he grumbled, turning on the windshield wipers as the rain came down even harder.
"Really?" I said turning my face to look at him. "How can you tell?" I asked sarcastically, resting my head against the window. I waited for an answer, but he was silent for a bit. I closed my eyes and heard him take in a deep breath.
"Your eyes. They may be your father's in color, but the expression in yours is all Renee's. She didn't have to say anything at all, her eyes often spoke for themselves." he whispered, pulling out onto the street.
…..
I stared out the window of "my room". It didn't feel like it was a room to call my own. It felt all wrong, and I had no connection to it whatsoever. My room was back in N.Y full of the wonderful memories I once inhabited; when things were perfect. Phil had ordered some pizzas, but I really wasn't hungry. My appetite has been scarce lately, only eating when I wanted to prevent myself from getting too sick. I was already skinny and not eating for a day or so didn't really change anything. I looked at myself in the mirror.
I was about average height and weighed 115 pounds. I had my father's coloring, with his dark mahogany locks, big chocolate brown eyes and dimples. Everything else about me was my mother's. I had her heart shaped face, pointed chin, nose and pale skin. I had the same sprinkling of freckles across the bridge of my nose, and even her huge ears that protruded from her head, when she had her hair pulled back. I felt a small sad smile stretch across my face. It hurt to know that here I was, a near perfect combination of the two of them, trying to make it through the daily struggles that controlled my life and they wouldn't be here to witness any of it.
Sobs began to rake my body, as I slid down to the floor. Each breath I took in, felt like thousands of sharp knives stabbing my body. I cried for my mother. I cried for my father. I even cried for myself, hating that I was the reason they weren't here. I should have done the right thing, I should have told when I had the chance, but I didn't. My tears continued to take control of my body, until I felt the warm arms of Phil rocking me back and forth as I cried. He held me for what felt like hours, until my eyes slowly slid close, my breathing slowing as I let out small gasps of air. I finally gave in to the darkness, but the pain did not cease. It continued to spread over my body like a wild fire, and I happily welcomed it.

The judge decided it's your right
To wake up from the dream of your life
The curtain is about to fall
No need for words; your eyes just say it all